Rape is bad!

I just wanted to state that first.  I was reading an article on Slate by Emily Yoffee (Dear Prudence).  The main gist of it is that women shouldn't drink so much in college because it puts them at increased risk of sexual assault.

That seems like a fine idea to me. But apparently it set off a shitstorm because Jezebel ran an article called How To Write About Rape Prevention Without Sounding Like An Asshole and I found several other articles describing how Dear Prudence was telling women they hadn't been raped when they had been, among other things:

     Feministing Jan 7, 2013
     Feministing Oct 16, 2013

     Almost Diamonds Feb 2, 2012


After reading some of the articles attacking Emily Yoffe I was incensed!  Now, I have no problem with drinking.  But I do think that when young women go out and get smashed, they put themselves at risk for being assaulted.  They look like easy pickings to a rapist.  But for some reason, Yoffe is a horrible person for not mentioning other reasons for rape or even mentioning the rapists themselves!

If I walked down a dark street in the bad part of town waving $100 bills around, you'd tell me I was a fucking idiot.  Well, I'm telling you if you want to get blackout drunk, do it in your own apartment with your girlfriends!  Don't be a fucking idiot!

No - it is not your fault if you get raped. That's the rapist's fault.  But there are ways you can minimize your chances of getting raped.  And there are actions you can do that will increase your chances of getting raped.  In a perfect world, you could walk naked down the street, drunk off your ass, and someone would make sure you got home okay.  But we don't live in that world. So stop thinking that we do!

Another point I'd like to address is drunken sex.  If you get wasted and wake up in bed with someone the next morning, is that rape?  I know some people who will say yes.  But for me, it depends upon the circumstances.

The main consensus is that a drunk woman can't consent to sex, so it's rape.  Mostly, I agree with that.  For example, if you're drunk and some guy comes up and he's not drunk, and you have sex, it's probably rape.  [I'll ignore issues of sex with your boyfriend while drunk, etc.]  But what if you just broke up with your boyfriend and you were coming on to him and willingly went with him?  Technically, many people will say it was still rape, because you could not consent while drunk.  

What bothers me the most is when the woman and man are both drunk. You wake up next to some guy.  Is it rape?  Many people will still say it was rape, because you were too drunk to consent.  But what if he was also too drunk too consent?  Then what?  Is it still rape, because you're the woman?  That doesn't seem fair, and certainly not feminist.

What I'm trying to say, while not blaming the victim, is don't be a fucking idiot!  If you get wasted out in public, there are men who will take advantage of you.  It's not right, but it happens.

And yes, there are plenty of rapes that happen where no alcohol whatsoever is involved.  But that's a different article than the one I'm discussing. 

When I was in college, I never heard one word about drinking too much making me less safe.  So I was happy to see the Yoffe article.  If you get wasted and drive - you are held responsible for your actions by the police.  So try to remember your responsibility to yourself!  Keep yourself safe, don't depend on drunken friends or strangers to do it for you. 


Edit Oct. 18:  Here's a Slate blogger's response to the Yoffe article and Yoffe's response to the backlash.

Christmas Gauntlets

I've been a little upset this year with all the charities asking me for money.  I mean, I know they need money, and the easiest way is to ask.  But I feel like I'm running a fucking gauntlet every time I go into a store. 

It starts outside the store, with the Salvation Army kettles.  You have to go by this twice, on the way in and the way out.  I usually feel guilty about not putting in at least some change.  But most of the time I don't carry cash.  And when I shop, I go to many different stores and they all have kettles outside!  So I'm exposed to them multiple times for an escalating sense of guilt!

Inside is also a problem.  A lot of stores have their credit card machines set up to ask you if you want to donate money.  But even there they want to guilt you into it.  The one at PetCo asked me Do you want to save a homeless pet?  And then you have the option of saying Yes or No.  So I clicked No.  I do not want to save a homeless pet, because you're trying to guilt me into it.  Cabela's does it differently.  You can round up your final cost to a whole number.  So if you spend $36.58 you can round it up to an even $37 and the change goes to an environmental charity.  How could you NOT do that?

The one I hate the most is when the cashier asks you about donating.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  They have these colorful printouts that you can write your name on in a marker and they put it up on the wall so that everyone can see just how charitable Tamsyn X really is!  I fucking hate those.  Every time I run into one of those I seem to be in a long line and the cashier chimes out Would you like to donate $1 for xxx charity?  No, I don't.  I just want to buy my shit and get out of your store.

And, of course, the best is the telephone ones.  You're sitting there in the privacy of your own home, thinking you're safe, and the police call you up and ask you to donate to help the widows of police officers killed in the line of duty.

Don't get me wrong, I do donate to charities.  But I do it on my own time, and to specific ones that I really want to donate to.  So stop trying to guilt me into donating!  I could spend a hundred dollars a month, easy, on all the charities asking me to donate.  And I don't have the money to spare!

Survived October

Guess what - no rant this year for a Pink October!  I survived October fairly intact.  I'm assuming this was mainly due to the backlash against the Komen Foundation.  I did notice several pink advertisements on TV that mentioned their money going to other organizations.  Whatever the reason, I'm just glad I didn't have a freaking aneurysm this year.

Stupidity Rules!

Apparently most Americans are so stupid that certain items must be banned, so they don't die.  For example:  Buckyballs and Kinder eggs.

Buckyballs are these tiny high-powered magnets.  On one hand, I can understand the concerns - if you swallow more than 1 they can try to join together in your intestines so that you can't poop them out.  And that requires surgery.  And yes, accidents happen.  But in general, I would think simply keeping these out of the reach of kids would do the trick.


Kinder Eggs are a truly yummy creation.  They are hollow chocolate eggs.  Inside is a plastic container that has small parts that you put together to make a toy.  Everything from a figurine to a sail boat or a car.  Obviously these are a choking hazard for small children.  Which is why my mom always took the toy container away from my little brother until he was a little older.

What I'm trying to say is: "Don't be an idiot!"  Do we really need the government to ban Kinder Eggs because kids might swallow the toys?  Well then I have a great idea - ban PENNIES!  Pennies are small and easily swallowable and show up everywhere.  Just look on the ground next time you're out and about.  And, I'm fairly sure the metals used in pennies are toxic.  So, US Government:  Please save us from the scary pennies before we all die of stupidity.

Planned Parenthood Pinked

I meant to blog earlier this week when my rantings against the Susan G. Komen Foundation were at their height (it's not enough with the pink madness, now there's mammogram madness?!?).

I'm sure you've all heard by now that the foundation pulled funding from Planned Parenthood, only to finally bow to Internet pressure and restore funding. And why did they originally pull funding? Because Planned Parenthood has the audacity to use a tiny percentage of non-Komen funding to perform legal abortions. Oh my! How dare they! Performing legal abortions with non-Komen and non-government money? Let's burn them all at the stake.

What pisses me off the most is that they didn't give a shit what would happen to low-income women who depend upon Planned Parenthood for mammograms. That seems to be fairly typical of conservatives. They are all ready to help you be born, but once you are, you're on your own. Screw you if you need help with food or medical care.

And since the turnaround, some politicians are upset about them restoring funding. I really just cannot grasp their mindset. So, abortions are evil. And anybody who performs them is evil. So it doesn't matter if Planned Parenthood prevents pregnancies with birth control, prevents STDs with condoms, and prevents cancer with mammograms. All those people aren't worth shit because Planned Parenthood does abortions. Which are LEGAL. Fuck all you crazy wackos.

Damn Bieber Hair

This is another post that has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I fucking hate those Justin Bieber hair cuts! They've been showing up everywhere for the last few years, on TV shows, in commercials, even in real life. And I really really really detest them! Every time I see them I want to grab the kid, and tell him to comb his hair back or get it cut. It has got to be one of the stupidest hair cuts I've ever seen. And I'm guessing it has the added side effect of getting boys to use hair dryers.

You know how there's always one commercial on TV that you can't stand, and then it gets shown over and over and over again until you want to scream? That's how the Bieber hair cut makes me feel. ARGH! When will it finally end!?!

The Prejudice Post - Part II

Yes, there are actual bigots out there. And yes, sometimes it's not that obvious. I'll give you a few examples and let you decide if it's racism or not.

1) A few years ago I got a viral e-mail about the problem with government workers. Because we all know how good they've got it, right? Anyway, this was a short little video of two government employees stuck on an escalator. The problem: the two stupid employees are a black man and a white woman. So I was rather offended and thought the video was racist and sexist. And then something happened. I found out that that isn't the whole video. I found the entire video on Youtube. There are still a few problems. The black man and white woman are stuck on the escalator. And the white repairman comes to save them! But then he gets stuck too. The whole thing made me think though - why did the viral e-mail have the short version without the white man?

2) Nivea is facing cries of racism because of an advertisement. In the ad, a black man is throwing away a bearded, scraggly version of himself, and the tagline is about "Re-civilizing" yourself. A lot of people were offended and thought it was racist. But I didn't hear anyone crying racism for the white version of that ad. So. . . if you're African-American I'm not allowed to talk about certain things because they might offend you? A lot of these problem ads that pop up seem to be from European companies, which makes me think that maybe the problem is actually us.

3) A few years ago I read an article about racism at universities. There was mention of some black American students who studied in the UK. They were offended because when someone asked where they were from, the student would say "I'm American." And the Brit would say, "You are now. But where are you from?" The Brits assumed that people of color immigrated to America from Africa or the Caribbean. They didn't understand that for many black Americans, their families have been here for hundreds of years and were brought here as slaves from somewhere in Africa. These Brits weren't asking white American students where they were from. But is it really racism if they don't know American history?

The whole race situation in America reminds me of an episode of the TV show Bones. The title character goes to a club and says that the music has a tribal feel to it. Her friend tells her not to say that. But a black woman overhears them and is offended. Even though tribes are not a black thing. Yes, Africa has tribes. So do North and South America. So did Europe. There's still a white tribe in northern Scandinavia. And don't forget the Jewish tribes, or the Ainu in Japan.

I was actually nervous about writing this post about prejudice because the whole topic seems verboten in America. We simply aren't allowed to discuss it. And because of that, we can't seem to get past it. Which is why I finally decided to write about it. As a white person, I have to admit that there are times when I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, so that I don't accidentally offend someone who isn't like me. It's very stressful. Because if I offend someone, it's going to be because of something like the Bones episode. Like, if I'm going to Popeye's for lunch, and I ask my co-worker if he wants something from there, if he's black will he think I'm racist? I wouldn't mean it to be offensive, but some people would take it that way. And since I'm the white person, it's possible that I could get in trouble for it.

And the very fact that I say "I could get in trouble for it because I'm white" will cause some people to think I'm racist. I just happen to think that racism cuts in all directions. Another example: I used to live in a state in the Southwest, and I worked in an area that was mostly Hispanic. There were about 12 of us in this department, and my boss and I were the only white people. One of the women bought a new house in a "white" subdivision. And proceeded to regale all of us with tales of how weird and crazy white people are. She even told a few "white people are so stupid" type jokes. I consider that racist. But I never reported her to Human Resources. I brushed off the incidents as her being ignorant. But my boss was really offended and wanted to report her. She never did, because she was worried that it would make the situation at work worse.

The whole situation in America is ridiculous and we have to get past it.

The Prejudice Post - Part I

This has been bugging me for a while, so I thought I'd finally comment on it. When is racism actually racism? If a white person does something to a black person, is it automatically racist? If a straight person does something to a gay person, is that automatically homophobic?

My answer is No! I'm a woman, and I have actually been discriminated against for being female. I have friends, who are black, who have been discriminated against for being black. I even have a friend who was discriminated against for being white! Anyway, I'm not trying to say that racism or sexism or homophobia don't exist. Obviously, they do. But not EVERY single problem is prejudice-related.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret about me now - I'm fat. I tell you this to illustrate a point. You keep seeing "undercover" specials on TV where people put on fat suits and then get discriminated against. And yes, it does happen. But not all of it is because of being fat. A lot of the people putting on the fat suit are famous or beautiful. So they're going to get better than normal treatment from a lot of people. In disguise, they get normal to sub-normal treatment. As a fat person, I can tell you that I have, in fact, faced very little discrimination. Most of it seems to be sub-conscious discrimination from my students. In general, students seem to have more respect for male teachers than for female teachers. Really, ask around your department. If you're also fat, that's just one more strike against you, male or female.

The point I'm trying to make is that, yes, sometimes it is discrimination. But a lot of the time it isn't. Unfortunately, we're so racially aware in our culture that it causes problems. Let me give you two examples:

1) The recent kerfuffle over a sign at a football game. The sign said "You mad bro?" Now, if this had been two all-white teams playing, or two all-black teams playing, no one would care. But as the losing team was mostly black (and I'm guessing the winning team mostly white) there have been accusations of racism. The problem is that "You mad bro?" is a relatively common meme online. And it's not racist. Now, I could see some of the white team finding it "extra fun" because the other team is black. But it's not necessarily racist. The word "bro" isn't only used by people with dark skin.

A few years ago a woman running for office in California was accused of racism, because she used the expression "call a spade a spade." That's a gardening term that has existed for a long time. A spade is a type of shovel. But some people just seem on the lookout for offense. That's next.

2) My Little Pony has a new cartoon series out. I've watched some of it. But I was surprised to find a blog posting ranting about how prejudiced the series is. Here's the original blog post. And here's a rebuttal post from the show's producer (white female). You should read both of them. The original poster (also white female) seems to take a few screen shots of the series, and read an episode description, then decide that the entire series is racist, sexist, homophobic, and anti-smart people. WOW! What an amazingly thorough job! As the rebuttal points out (and my own viewing corroborates) the show is NOT prejudiced. But this is the problem with our society. The original poster wanted it to be prejudiced. Or she just wanted to stir up some shit, without caring about the truth. Both of those are big problems today. And it has to stop. Because there actually are racist people out there. So stop castigating the non-racists. Don't make up shit that distracts us from the real problems.

More tomorrow.

I used to love flying . . .

It looks like it may finally happen. Remember all my rants about how evil body scanners are? And how the terrorists will find some way around it and we'll all end up getting cavity searched before we can get on a fucking airplane? Well that may be just around the corner. Because now the terrorists are thinking of implanting bombs inside people! And that means new detection methods!!!

So now if I want to fly, I have to pay outrageous fees for my bags, sometimes even a carry-on; I can't have any liquids more than 3 ounces that fit in a small baggie; I must have a picture ID, unless I'm using the wrong boarding pass; I have to let the TSA either see pictures of me naked or molest me (although that may change for kids); and I probably won't even get food or drinks on the plane unless I buy my own, after security.

Weee..... I feel safer already.

Of course, if kids aren't getting molested by the TSA, then they would make the perfect people to implant these bombs in. Which I'm sure Al-Qaida already knows. When will the US learn that you can't make air travel 100% safe, and that most of us would rather still have some of our civil liberties instead of leaving them at the airport door? I mean, what's next???? No carry-on baggage, and we all strip down and don scrubs for our flight? Because that's about the only way you could make things safer.

I'll see you in the anal probe line.

What the hell is wrong with people!

Okay, this has been bugging me for a while. What the hell is wrong with people on the internet!?! How can a seemingly normal person, in real life, get on the internet and turn into a raving lunatic bully?

Example: That really horrible song Friday by that teenager. I mean, yeah, I hated the song. But I don't feel the need to log in to YouTube or e-mail her and call her names or send fucking death threats!

Other examples: I remember watching a news program who talked with a family whose daughter had died in a car wreck. The pictures wound up on the internet, and the family was getting e-mails from people saying "I'm glad she's dead," "she deserved to die," etc.

More examples: Sites like Slate Magazine are now requiring commenters to log in with a Facebook or Yahoo! or etc. ID. Because people are nicer when others know who they are.

Oh, and before someone calls me a hypocrite, because I'm semi-anonymous and I said that Rush Limbaugh needs to die! - Rush dishes it out every day on his show. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about ordinary, innocent people, who someone get their name known and then get attacked over NOTHING! People need to grow up and realize that if they wouldn't say something to that person's face, then they shouldn't say it on the internet. [And I would happily tell Rush Limbaugh to his face that he is an asshole.]

Boycott Body Scanners! Update II

I started reading Wil Wheaton's blog last year. It's pretty good. Well, he just flew to Vancouver and as he left LA he was basically molested by the TSA agent giving him a pat-down. It was so bad he became physically ill and says he's going to contact an attorney. At least he has some name recognition. But how many people have to be irradiated or molested so that I can be "safe" when I fly on a plane?

More White Terrorists

So what counts as terrorism these days? Brown-skinned people in strange clothing? What about white people killing light-browned skinned people? Apparently that's not terrorism, that's activism. And it hasn't really made the TV news much either.

An anti-illegal immigrant militia (read terrorists) killed a man and his 9-year old daughter in Arizona. Who were actually American-born US citizens. But these terrorists aren't called terrorists in the news, just activists.

What really pisses me off so much about this is that the Spanish were the original conquerors in the Southwest and "Hispanics" lived there long before white people showed up. But once these areas became "American" then anyone who wasn't white became an outsider, even if their family had lived there for hundreds of years.

Health Care

I saw this and thought it was absolutely fabulous!

Who's a Terrorist?

I just saw this article on Yahoo! A man in Dearborn, Michigan was arrested. He's a Muslim and he was outside of a church, carrying banned explosives. But he's not called a terrorist!

Oh wait - maybe I should tell you the truth: it wasn't a Muslim. It was a white man with explosives outside of a mosque. He was arrested for a terroristic threat. But so far, I haven't seen one word of him being called a terrorist. Look at my first paragraph of this post - if it was a Muslim outside a Christian church with explosives, this would be all over the news. But it's not. Because white people aren't terrorists.

Boycott Body Scanners! Update I

I found a great article (h/t Gizmodo) about the whole debacle. It's from the Washington Examiner. And it's someone saying some of the things I've been thinking. Like: what about explosives in body cavities? (Which we already know the terrorists do.) What about people keeping copies of my naked body? (Which the US Marshal Service did in Florida.) Etc. Etc.

The most telling point is my favorite. How many people have died from terrorism, in the US, during the last decade? About 3,000 on 9-11. But we have to give up a ton of civil liberties because of that. How many people were murdered during the last decade - 150,000. But we don't have metal detectors at the Interstates leading into New Orleans.

Think about it people!

Boycott Body Scanners!

There is a call for people to boycott body scanners at airports on Wednesday November 24, 2010. And I hope everyone does. This is something that I feel strongly about. I understand about safety. That we should go through metal detectors and have our bags scanned. That's fine.

But then 9-11 happens and all of a sudden the TSA is tearing 1" nail files off of fingernail clippers. It did nothing for safety, but hey, they could say they were doing something. They took safety seriously. (The fingernail files eventually stopped.)

Then a guy tries to blow up an airplane with a shoe bomb. So now we have to take off our shoes at airports, and have them scanned. And as far as I can tell there has never been a 2nd shoe bomb.

Then a guy tries to blow up an airplane with an underwear bomb. So now we have to go through a body scanner (which is a strip search!) or get a thorough physical pat down (sexual molestation).

What's next? Al-Qa'eda has used explosives contained in a body cavity before. Will I have to get a body cavity search next? Where will it stop?

Hell, it's so annoying that I never want to fly again. But I refuse to give them that satisfaction! I really have to wonder sometimes, how much of this is real safety, and how much is just plain juvenile meanness? You don't want someone seeing you naked - fine, we'll punish you with an invasive pat down! You don't like it - don't fly! Then we don't have to scan/pat as many people. Besides, what makes you think you deserve the right to fly anyway? (Alright, I'm heading to crazy town now . . .)

Dropping H's Part 2

Yes, an update to my stupid grammar rant. Because I found an exception to the H-rule. Actually, it's not an exception, but some people might think it is. An honorable profession: in this case it is an, because we don't pronounce the H in honorable.

The basic grammar rule is that if the first syllable of the word starts with a vowel, when it's pronounced, then it's an instead of a.

Examples: A one-room house, AN honest mistake, A history of mankind, AN open bar.

Thus concludes today's grammar lesson. Enjoy.

Do We Look That Stupid!?!

Alright, I'm sure by now that everyone has seen the video of the missile in California. Which is now "officially" a jet contrail. First of all, it looks like a missile contrail, not a jet contrail. Secondly, in some video shots you can actually see the flames of the missile. (To me, it looked kind of like shots of the space shuttle launching, once it's up high.) Thirdly, this happened the day before Obama was in South Korea. A friend of mine thinks it's a reminder to the North Koreans and others that we can launch missiles off of submarines. When I searched for it on Yahoo! I used the terms missile and California, and Yahoo! popped up North Korea there too.

The Pentagon isn't fooling anyone. Except people who really think the news is always correct and never wrong. I don't mean to sound like some crazy conspiracy theorist, but I used to live in the southwest. Sometimes we would see weird planes that didn't "officially" exist yet, but were being tested and were classified. So it also wouldn't surprise me if the missile was a new one being tested by the military.

Dropping H's

Alright, one of my new pet peeves is people using the letter H incorrectly. And by that I mean, using "an" in front of a word starting with "H." Like last night, when CSI used the term An Historic Event. In this country, we pronounce the letter H, and it acts as a consonant (because it is one). It should be A Historic Event. I feel like whoever is writing these things has some idea that "it sounds fancier if I do it this way." Kind of like people who use the word whom, instead of who, but don't actually know the correct time to use it. (For the record, I sometimes use whom, but only when it's correct. You use it in places where you would use him or her. And it's mostly dropped out of usage anyway, because it seems to confuse people.)

Example: Who ate the leftover pizza? (He ate the leftover pizza.)
To whom are you talking? (I am talking to him.)

Well, saying An Historic doesn't make you fancy or knowledgeable - it makes you stupid. Unfortunately, it seems to be pervasive in many of the books I've read recently, which makes me wonder if grammar books recently changed, or will be changed, to reflect the new incorrect usage. Well, I say STOP! Take a stand against incorrect grammar! And while you're at it, stop using 's after words that end in S. When I was a kid it was the Smith's house and the Rogers' house. Apparently some grammar books are now saying it's the Rogers's house, which is horrible. STOP IT!

Last Pink Ribbon Rant?

October is almost done, so my ranting will be over until next year. So let me leave you with one last thought. You know how every now and then there's some really really annoying commercial on TV and every time it comes on you have to mute the volume, or else you'll start tearing your hair out and run screaming from the room? That's what pink ribbons have done to me.