Rape is bad!

I just wanted to state that first.  I was reading an article on Slate by Emily Yoffee (Dear Prudence).  The main gist of it is that women shouldn't drink so much in college because it puts them at increased risk of sexual assault.

That seems like a fine idea to me. But apparently it set off a shitstorm because Jezebel ran an article called How To Write About Rape Prevention Without Sounding Like An Asshole and I found several other articles describing how Dear Prudence was telling women they hadn't been raped when they had been, among other things:

     Feministing Jan 7, 2013
     Feministing Oct 16, 2013

     Almost Diamonds Feb 2, 2012


After reading some of the articles attacking Emily Yoffe I was incensed!  Now, I have no problem with drinking.  But I do think that when young women go out and get smashed, they put themselves at risk for being assaulted.  They look like easy pickings to a rapist.  But for some reason, Yoffe is a horrible person for not mentioning other reasons for rape or even mentioning the rapists themselves!

If I walked down a dark street in the bad part of town waving $100 bills around, you'd tell me I was a fucking idiot.  Well, I'm telling you if you want to get blackout drunk, do it in your own apartment with your girlfriends!  Don't be a fucking idiot!

No - it is not your fault if you get raped. That's the rapist's fault.  But there are ways you can minimize your chances of getting raped.  And there are actions you can do that will increase your chances of getting raped.  In a perfect world, you could walk naked down the street, drunk off your ass, and someone would make sure you got home okay.  But we don't live in that world. So stop thinking that we do!

Another point I'd like to address is drunken sex.  If you get wasted and wake up in bed with someone the next morning, is that rape?  I know some people who will say yes.  But for me, it depends upon the circumstances.

The main consensus is that a drunk woman can't consent to sex, so it's rape.  Mostly, I agree with that.  For example, if you're drunk and some guy comes up and he's not drunk, and you have sex, it's probably rape.  [I'll ignore issues of sex with your boyfriend while drunk, etc.]  But what if you just broke up with your boyfriend and you were coming on to him and willingly went with him?  Technically, many people will say it was still rape, because you could not consent while drunk.  

What bothers me the most is when the woman and man are both drunk. You wake up next to some guy.  Is it rape?  Many people will still say it was rape, because you were too drunk to consent.  But what if he was also too drunk too consent?  Then what?  Is it still rape, because you're the woman?  That doesn't seem fair, and certainly not feminist.

What I'm trying to say, while not blaming the victim, is don't be a fucking idiot!  If you get wasted out in public, there are men who will take advantage of you.  It's not right, but it happens.

And yes, there are plenty of rapes that happen where no alcohol whatsoever is involved.  But that's a different article than the one I'm discussing. 

When I was in college, I never heard one word about drinking too much making me less safe.  So I was happy to see the Yoffe article.  If you get wasted and drive - you are held responsible for your actions by the police.  So try to remember your responsibility to yourself!  Keep yourself safe, don't depend on drunken friends or strangers to do it for you. 


Edit Oct. 18:  Here's a Slate blogger's response to the Yoffe article and Yoffe's response to the backlash.

Pink Ribbon Madness

I hadn't intended to keep blogging, but I keep getting pissed off.  I was actually very excited this year to see some articles by other people who don't like pink ribbons:

Here's a Dear Prudence letter and here's a long NY Times article.


Enjoy!!!

Christmas Gauntlets

I've been a little upset this year with all the charities asking me for money.  I mean, I know they need money, and the easiest way is to ask.  But I feel like I'm running a fucking gauntlet every time I go into a store. 

It starts outside the store, with the Salvation Army kettles.  You have to go by this twice, on the way in and the way out.  I usually feel guilty about not putting in at least some change.  But most of the time I don't carry cash.  And when I shop, I go to many different stores and they all have kettles outside!  So I'm exposed to them multiple times for an escalating sense of guilt!

Inside is also a problem.  A lot of stores have their credit card machines set up to ask you if you want to donate money.  But even there they want to guilt you into it.  The one at PetCo asked me Do you want to save a homeless pet?  And then you have the option of saying Yes or No.  So I clicked No.  I do not want to save a homeless pet, because you're trying to guilt me into it.  Cabela's does it differently.  You can round up your final cost to a whole number.  So if you spend $36.58 you can round it up to an even $37 and the change goes to an environmental charity.  How could you NOT do that?

The one I hate the most is when the cashier asks you about donating.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  They have these colorful printouts that you can write your name on in a marker and they put it up on the wall so that everyone can see just how charitable Tamsyn X really is!  I fucking hate those.  Every time I run into one of those I seem to be in a long line and the cashier chimes out Would you like to donate $1 for xxx charity?  No, I don't.  I just want to buy my shit and get out of your store.

And, of course, the best is the telephone ones.  You're sitting there in the privacy of your own home, thinking you're safe, and the police call you up and ask you to donate to help the widows of police officers killed in the line of duty.

Don't get me wrong, I do donate to charities.  But I do it on my own time, and to specific ones that I really want to donate to.  So stop trying to guilt me into donating!  I could spend a hundred dollars a month, easy, on all the charities asking me to donate.  And I don't have the money to spare!

Survived October

Guess what - no rant this year for a Pink October!  I survived October fairly intact.  I'm assuming this was mainly due to the backlash against the Komen Foundation.  I did notice several pink advertisements on TV that mentioned their money going to other organizations.  Whatever the reason, I'm just glad I didn't have a freaking aneurysm this year.

Jesus Married?

This has been one of the religious aspects that has bugged me for years.  Why is it a problem if Jesus was married?  Who cares?  In fact, I read an article somewhere that for his time period, it would be unusual if he WASN'T married.  And that would have been remarked upon.

The GMA/Yahoo! article I linked to above says that priests are celibate because Jesus wasn't married.  I always thought it was because Paul said that priests should be celibate.  Which is why celibacy never made any sense to me.  But I digress. . . I was brought up Christian, and even went to Catholic school for a while.  But somehow, some of the major tenets of the faith just didn't make it into my brain correctly.  I'm not sure why.

Stupidity Rules!

Apparently most Americans are so stupid that certain items must be banned, so they don't die.  For example:  Buckyballs and Kinder eggs.

Buckyballs are these tiny high-powered magnets.  On one hand, I can understand the concerns - if you swallow more than 1 they can try to join together in your intestines so that you can't poop them out.  And that requires surgery.  And yes, accidents happen.  But in general, I would think simply keeping these out of the reach of kids would do the trick.


Kinder Eggs are a truly yummy creation.  They are hollow chocolate eggs.  Inside is a plastic container that has small parts that you put together to make a toy.  Everything from a figurine to a sail boat or a car.  Obviously these are a choking hazard for small children.  Which is why my mom always took the toy container away from my little brother until he was a little older.

What I'm trying to say is: "Don't be an idiot!"  Do we really need the government to ban Kinder Eggs because kids might swallow the toys?  Well then I have a great idea - ban PENNIES!  Pennies are small and easily swallowable and show up everywhere.  Just look on the ground next time you're out and about.  And, I'm fairly sure the metals used in pennies are toxic.  So, US Government:  Please save us from the scary pennies before we all die of stupidity.

Rantings Returns!!!

It's been a while, but trust me, I'm still mad!  I'm just trying to figure out where to start.  Stay tuned for more.