Rape is bad!

I just wanted to state that first.  I was reading an article on Slate by Emily Yoffee (Dear Prudence).  The main gist of it is that women shouldn't drink so much in college because it puts them at increased risk of sexual assault.

That seems like a fine idea to me. But apparently it set off a shitstorm because Jezebel ran an article called How To Write About Rape Prevention Without Sounding Like An Asshole and I found several other articles describing how Dear Prudence was telling women they hadn't been raped when they had been, among other things:

     Feministing Jan 7, 2013
     Feministing Oct 16, 2013

     Almost Diamonds Feb 2, 2012


After reading some of the articles attacking Emily Yoffe I was incensed!  Now, I have no problem with drinking.  But I do think that when young women go out and get smashed, they put themselves at risk for being assaulted.  They look like easy pickings to a rapist.  But for some reason, Yoffe is a horrible person for not mentioning other reasons for rape or even mentioning the rapists themselves!

If I walked down a dark street in the bad part of town waving $100 bills around, you'd tell me I was a fucking idiot.  Well, I'm telling you if you want to get blackout drunk, do it in your own apartment with your girlfriends!  Don't be a fucking idiot!

No - it is not your fault if you get raped. That's the rapist's fault.  But there are ways you can minimize your chances of getting raped.  And there are actions you can do that will increase your chances of getting raped.  In a perfect world, you could walk naked down the street, drunk off your ass, and someone would make sure you got home okay.  But we don't live in that world. So stop thinking that we do!

Another point I'd like to address is drunken sex.  If you get wasted and wake up in bed with someone the next morning, is that rape?  I know some people who will say yes.  But for me, it depends upon the circumstances.

The main consensus is that a drunk woman can't consent to sex, so it's rape.  Mostly, I agree with that.  For example, if you're drunk and some guy comes up and he's not drunk, and you have sex, it's probably rape.  [I'll ignore issues of sex with your boyfriend while drunk, etc.]  But what if you just broke up with your boyfriend and you were coming on to him and willingly went with him?  Technically, many people will say it was still rape, because you could not consent while drunk.  

What bothers me the most is when the woman and man are both drunk. You wake up next to some guy.  Is it rape?  Many people will still say it was rape, because you were too drunk to consent.  But what if he was also too drunk too consent?  Then what?  Is it still rape, because you're the woman?  That doesn't seem fair, and certainly not feminist.

What I'm trying to say, while not blaming the victim, is don't be a fucking idiot!  If you get wasted out in public, there are men who will take advantage of you.  It's not right, but it happens.

And yes, there are plenty of rapes that happen where no alcohol whatsoever is involved.  But that's a different article than the one I'm discussing. 

When I was in college, I never heard one word about drinking too much making me less safe.  So I was happy to see the Yoffe article.  If you get wasted and drive - you are held responsible for your actions by the police.  So try to remember your responsibility to yourself!  Keep yourself safe, don't depend on drunken friends or strangers to do it for you. 


Edit Oct. 18:  Here's a Slate blogger's response to the Yoffe article and Yoffe's response to the backlash.

Pink Ribbon Madness

I hadn't intended to keep blogging, but I keep getting pissed off.  I was actually very excited this year to see some articles by other people who don't like pink ribbons:

Here's a Dear Prudence letter and here's a long NY Times article.


Enjoy!!!